Seriously, if I could just plan out my future every little bit the way I wanted to.. If that was even possible. I'd definately do the thing I love to do most; Writing. I would drown myself in literature, read.. Write stories for anyone who's interest to read them. I'd have a lovely girlfriend to wake up to every morning; mutual love with lots of snuggling, lots of sweets nothings. (call me a hopeless romantic.) Wouldn't that be great? Just getting whatever you want..

Sadly it doesn't work that way, far from it. Some goals will never be achieved, as well as people can betray you, even when you're absolutely sure it works out the way you are with them. Talking about topics like this makes me terribly pessimistic while I'm a born optimist. I've lost my cheerful optimism somewhere along the way.. That childish view on the world, that I could be everything I wanted to be.. Only half-truths.

I've lost faith in some things, love is something I've been never really fond of mainly because so far I've only had people who'd turn their backs on me in the end. I'm scared to enter that crazy, mixed-up little world that's called love again and leave it heart-broken as all those times before. 

It's troublesome, so terribly troublesome that I don't even feel like faling in love again.. Yet, I can't help developing feelings for someone.. It's frightening. I don't want this.

Ugh, I should come up with some more cheerful blogs right..