There have been things going on around the internet a lot these days.. And especially Tumblr seems to have a good share of it going around. I'm talking about the whole genderissues thing. The people claiming themselves either Androgynous or Genderqueer.. And I can totally relate to that.


There has been a time that I thought I could've been better of being a boy than a girl. I didn't feel like I was 100% a girl and that question of maybe being more boyish than anything else kept bugging me for over 3/4 years when I was still in middle/ high school.. I looked at myself in the mirror, wondering if this was really what I was on the inside as well. A terrible identity crisis I had to go through; It had cost me a lot of energy, made me spill a lot of confused tears and caused me numerous sleepless nights when I was still just a teenager.

Yet, I didn't have any desire of actually becoming what I thought I could be.. Thinking I was more of a boy over all since basically I had always been more one of the guys anyway. I'd look at myself, trying to tell myself what I thought was most beautiful of myself.. Never did I get any far, mainly because I've never been satisfied with the way I looked. But there I was thinking; "I'm a girl.. But I can have these very boyish treats from time to time.. I do like girls, a lot! And still.. This is what I am, this is my body."


It took me a long time to settle with what I looked like.. That together with some selfhate issues I had to over come, as well as anxiety for people judging me for being different than the definition of "being a girl". I've never been the girly girl type. Okay, I like things that make me girly; I like make-up, I enjoy spending times on my appearance as well as going shopping with friends. But there are so many aspects of me that would define me as masculine. Heck, I mostly relate the most to my male best friends than my female ones! We share the same humour, as well as our love for boobs =3= Seriously I'd tell a girl she'd have a nice rack as much as my friends would. I really have no shame .w.'.

My parents thought I was really going into the state of finding myself being a transgender. I can't blame them though, since I started to experiment with different kinds of clothing; from more girly to more boyish. I find myself most comfortable wearing jeans and shirts instead of tops and skirts.. And that's why they might have gotten the wrong idea. Also the whole thing about Crossdress/Crossplay I'm doing recently, it scares my parents to bits .w.' I have to keep explaining them that I'm okay with the way I was born.. And that crossplay is only for fun.

If I have to be honest with myself, I still see myself as a girl.. People refer to mme as a tomboy, yet I prefer to be just called by my name and not some term they have for it. I wouldn't call myself Androgynous, because I don't  have overly masculine features. And Genderqueer.. Well, let's say I'm more into that section than anything else.

I just hate it when people try to push others in those standard terms; Because they're never fully right. So I just prefer to be called by my name, rather than what people think I am :)