Hello Mr Anxiety,

Lately you've been around too much for my liking. Mainly today you've been quite torturing me tremendously. You always come around whenever I'm doing a bit better, or when I'm doing well for once.. But today it really got too much. And I'd just like for you to get out of my head.

First the stupid memories you kept taunting me with, that I actually not really over something I thought I managed to put aside and let it rest. But no, you had to remind me of how much I miss it.. It friggin' broke me down man, I needed to have this whole day to myself, I couldn't do what I actually wanted to do because my head was so full of shit that I couldn't concentrate even while I tried so damn hard. It had already taken me so damn long to get over it, to just erase it out of my memory. And still you keep throwing it to my head.

I already had those stupid feelings yesterday before bed... Some things are still too fresh, too recent even when already some months have passed since.

It's just all too much, I'm already stressed as it is. I want to just live up to so many things, be there for so many people at the same time that it just overwhelms me. I know, I always tell people they can come to me when they're down, or when they need me.. But even now some of those people seem to just ignore me for some reason.. That's another part you're tormenting me with.. My stupid fear of losing people.. It's enough alright? It's like there isn't a day going by without me wanting to slam my head against my keyboard, or just swing my pc out of the window because I can't handle all this drama that you're surrounding me with.

All this fucking time I'm trying to keep myself out of trouble, out of the friggin' drama that's getting the better of me. I'm sick and tired, mostly the last, of everyone pulling me along in their drama while I wasn't even involved in the first place..

Mr Anxiety, please understand that I've never asked for those sleepless nights, for every time I just wanted to go for a long run so I could just go to a place to scream out all the frustration bottled up within me. You can't even imagine how this is draining me mentally AND physically.

Half of the time I'm even pretending that I'm so fucking happy all the time, I know how to pretend to be easy going and always so bubbly. Still, I'm just trying to keep myself going out with people to have fun.  But still, when I get home I just find myself needing time to myself.

There are only a few people who know me through and through.. Even to them I feel like I'm being a burden. I'd rather keep this to myself, but accumulating everything doesn't help either. That's why blogging right now. I can't keep this to myself any longer because I know it will only wear me out even more.

I'm not okay. I'm just mixed up in so many things at the same time, and everything just seems to know when to appear to make it even more miserable for me. Well job, Mr Anxiety.. Just what I need.

Whenever I want to focus on things I want to do, you and my scumbag brains drive me nuts. And for that, I loathe you.

Sigh, seriously I'm getting tired of this.. But I'll just keep trying to keep the drama at a distance, do some things for myself and.. well work. I'm quite siked about it still~

To be honest, just writing this all put my at ease.. Just gave me a posibility to write it all out. And people can just go around thinking whatever they want about it. To those people, together with Mr Anxiety,  to you I say; I don't give a fuck anymore.

Kristel out~